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02:13pm 28/04/2008
  okay. decided to be functional this week
1. made an eating plan. been eating too much junk lately, and although we've already messed up three different meals, you can't really expect to go from complete chaos to a successful plan in one weekend. bryan and i made tasty risotto yesterday. i am making a fish salad for lunch. we are stirfrying things for dinner. i am trying to drink less cola. i dread the day i want more cheddar ruffles.
2. changed both dentist and doctor with insurance. hopefully both will be more convenient and less the suck. need to remember to get cholesterol tested. and find out blood type.
3. taking the cat to the vet when i get paid. maybe friday.
4. need to watch and rate CUFF entries.
5. still stoked about school! paying for it, not so much.
6. got bike seat re-attached. need to find or purchase front light and rear reflector. also need to have seat quick-release removed and replaced with a bolt.
7. really need to shower. and eat lunch.
8. oh! and register for spanish class at roosevelt. they don't have german. they don't have anything but spanish. but it's free and it's a month long, and i have time to kill.
9. even though i just finished an unsatisfactory book (The Ghost Map) about epidemic disease (cholera!) I still feel unprepared to wade back into heavy literature (Proust? Mann?) and so need to pick something lighter. which is hard.
9a. but! the cholera book did introduce me to something called PROmed, which is an email list from all around the world reporting on infectious diseases and epidemics. I've signed up.		  
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YEA!   
09:58pm 24/04/2008
 
mood: happy
Hey friends!
I got into the library science program I applied to!
Future plans = way more settled! Be happy for me!
Thanks!

ps: I met an art star yesterday and ate mediocre yogourt flavored frozen yogourt today. Berry Chill is not the place for it.		  
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09:58pm 23/04/2008
  i think the cat and i are turning into the same person. moving into every smaller places. hiding in the mess of our apartment.  
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07:38pm 20/03/2008
  If there is no check on the freedom of your words, then let your hearts be open to the freedom of our actions  
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06:53pm 08/03/2008
  well, today has been mostly success.
slept in. ate lunch with mary and bryan. am currently having the latter individual saute some pierogies for me in butter.
we trekked all the way out to the Broadway Reckless to buy the album I wanted. And it was there! and there were two copies! and I bought something else! I am now the possessor of 'Trials and Errors' by Songs:Ohia, which is out of print and live and has my most preferred song of theirs which is called 'Don't This Look Like the Dark'. It cost me nine dollars and is excellent and i should've bought the other copy so I could give it to someone who would be in love with it, but, having no foresight and no particular person in mind, I have missed that opportunity.
Of course, since that was the record I went out of my way to get, I'm listening to the other one purchased. 'We Shall All Be Healed' by The Mountain Goats. I am beginning to be an alright person and buy every record I ever loved that by all rights belonged to someone else's music collection.
man! now there are pierogies and rumncokes and so i need to finish fast!
we saw a man who looked like a character in a Wim Wenders film playing improvisational trombone music, and it was okay. I have no views on it, but the man seemed good. I am in support of him.
In a few short hours there will be more experimental music at the Lampo show and probably drinking and then nothing and nothing and nothing ever again.
oh, and my sister called.		  
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12:29pm 02/03/2008
  well, i've been listening to a lot of songs that involve vermin and unwanted plants, but it's really more John Darnielle's fault then mine. Really and truly. I certainly can't control his metaphors, and it seems silly even to try.
Starting today I'm dogsitting for my parents. Mom claims there's cheese in the fridge and they have super over-the-top satellite tv, as though these are great reasons for staying there with that moronic dog, but really I'm doing it because she's my mom and Someone has to.
So, in my head there are two sections from that damnable Japanese novel swimming round and round. Let's see how well I can quote them from memory.
1. The next time I saw her it was as though she was exactly the same and I was someone else completely. I couldn't make a single joke.
2. But if we see each other once, then you will want to meet again. . . There is something called the human heart and who can know what makes it beat.

It would be nice to be artless and unvarying, but I have no interest in losing all my boundaries.
Wish me luck on a variety of unnamed endeavors! I wish you the best of love and luck in yours.		  
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a short listof perfect or nearly perfect things   
10:44am 12/02/2008
  1. 'Confessions of a Mask' by Yukio Mishima
2. 'Story of Isaac' & 'The Old Revolution' by Leonard Cohen
3. baked fruit granola from Earwax
4. the scene in 'Repulsion' in which she leaves her imprint on the wall
5. the dry dry cold of the weather		  
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10:35pm 25/01/2008
  today i got a dozen yellow roses at work from my boyfriend. they are very pleasant. i've put them into a pitcher, since the vase i have is very squat and looks sort of silly with roses in it. i could've put them into sundae glasses but i haven't got enough.
the cat hasn't seen flowers before, and so he is curious.
today has been a very good day for packages since it also included a pair of red shoes and a Charles Burns book.
but the flowers definitely win.		  
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books   
12:05pm 21/01/2008
  i just bought 3 comic books and 2 pieces of classic literature from the internet. hopefully they will all be amazing.  
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06:59pm 20/01/2008
  . . . only the history of the symbolic function can allow us to understand the intellectual condition of man, in which the universe is never charged with sufficient meaning and in which the mind always has more meanings available than there are objects to which to relate them.

-'The Sorcerer and His Magic' Claude Levi-Strauss		  
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08:50am 17/01/2008
  this morning i slept longer than intended because i forgot it was a thursday and i like to be at work early, pretend to be a real 9-to-5-er for one day, but it's okay. five more minutes of this morning and i would've thrown up blood for the next six months.
it was dripping from the bedroom ceiling, and now it's snowing outside. i'm listening to mary lou lord supposedly covering ween. i can no longer tell if i'm being unfair.
today they're taking the piano out of our theater and putting in a swankier (also bigger, i think) piano for a couple weeks. i'm looking forward to witnessing this event.
i should call bernard. and never drink again. and become religious. and find an apartment. and write to former professors. and grow up. but facing facts is hard, especially when they could be ever so many opposing things.		  
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10:50am 16/01/2008
  hmm, my stomach has been killing me for days. but not in an ulcerous way, more of a "maybe it's liquefying, or maybe it's growing claws in there" sort of way.
yesterday i got to shave part of a co-workers head. we thought we might die on the way out to the suburbs, but everything was fine. i had a malt, it probably didn't help the stomach thing. she looks pretty great with a shaved head. much tougher (ha!)
i thought that when things were right, or definite, or forever, (like pregnancy or love or home) you were supposed to have a feeling of it, just a knowledge that it was right.
i'm sorry. i have chores to do. but i feel like a malicious, witless child and am not sure how to change my nature.		  
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09:18am 04/01/2008
  you know, i really wasn't excepting today to start with hearing someone elses angry post-break-up letter. emails about chocolate flavored fruit, fine, but bile. . . can't it wait til after the coffee? maybe until after buffy?  
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10:55pm 31/12/2007
  oh the past few days have been eventful!
saw the whole gang of fam (stressful, then fine), bryan was introduced, met Robin's baby Cameron, who is a cutie, and found out that meg is pregnant now, and will soon be wed.
stayed out too late last night, stayed out too long in a snowstorm tonight, since the goddam metra cancelled two trains in a row for no reason anyone seems to know.
i feel stomachachey, but we're staying in for NYE, and everything will be fine.
brandon was gone all last week, and i missed him terribly, but now he's back and seems to be (surprisingly) pro-Berlin summer.
i love the tron fiercely. obviously she is the girl for me.		  
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12:56am 14/12/2007
  I bought a copy of 'The Graduate' at Target today. That and some cat litter, and cat kibbles, and sheets and other important things, but not everything (alas, the sponges and deodorant were not purchased). I just trounced bryan at Scrabble (by nearly 200 points), and now he's vanished back into the boring internet abyss of his laptop, so maybe I'll watch the movie.
It's not terribly funny. Maybe it isn't funny until you're middle aged (as most film reviewers are) and are past all the stupid insecurities of directionlessness that is mostly divorced from responsibilities. At any rate, it's oddly reassuring to me that it exists.
The problem with admitting your fears, even if they're just stupid fears like The Dark, or a large reel of film falling on your head, is that t makes them more real, and you think the person you told them to might be thinking about them, and that just brings them into your own head more often.
It's the same way for possible directions. Once they become discussion fodder there's a need to carry them through, go ideas or not.
At least the cat is happy; especially with the new treats (Pounce brand, tarter control, cheese flavor)		  
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i fall to pieces   
12:09am 25/11/2007
  Yes, it's true that it's a saturday night and my boyfriend went to the movies at seven-thirty and is not yet home.
but it's okay because I've got Patsy Cline, and I'm watching a Jane Campion movie, in fact, I'm watching the first full-length Jane Campion movie, 'Sweetie', and i like it and dislike it in turns because the initial main character, Kat, is very much one that I can relate to, and so, if you have seen the film, you know how the relationship is going and how much I care or don't care about the current real situation.
I'm going to go buy some cheese flavored chips (a new horrible snack obsession) to go with my cheap riesling, and am otherwise going to suppress any desires to do the things I am thinking of doing.
Goodnight friends, please recommend any literature you may have about liminal systems.		  
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dream   
02:43pm 12/11/2007
  I had a dream last night that I worked for Tyra Banks, and we were handing out awards to the likes of Chris Brown and the Olson twins, and that the awards were laundry. She'd call out, "...and to the Olson twins. . . Polo Shirts!" and I would pull them out of the hamper, fold them and give them to the winner. It wasn't so much an award show like the Emmys, but had a stronger resemblance to mail day at summer camp, everyone standing around a bit bored, but sort of excited. I was embarrassed to fold things. eh.  
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Reason to Believe   
11:46am 05/11/2007
  back from pittsburgh. i seem to be crying. my eyes are burning like tears are made of salt and acid. bruce springsteen is my only friend, or at least the only one that could come back with me. Is history repeating itself? I feel like the tiniest child in the largest museum. Everything is familiar, but not where it ought to be.  
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02:12pm 17/10/2007
  Yes, I am reading a book by Socialists, trying to win people to their cause, and no, I am not jumping on any Socialist bandwagon on the lines of overthrowing the government, or using violence to support "the cause", but I am constantly chafed by the knowledge that if I should unionize my woefully unpaid booth, either just the bunch of us together (scary scary) or the lot of art cinema projectionists across the country, I will be immediately sacked, because the Art Institute of Chicago has an anti-union rule.
Yes, yes, they are a not for profit, but if you can't pay a living wage and give insurance (which is pretty much what my imaginary union would do (although I already get insurance)), then you have no business employing people.
Em. Saw the grandparents on Monday. That was nice. Just watched 'The Red Shoes', amazing! just inspired how they deal with the stage (one of the most tedious things in film, normally, in my opinion).		  
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oh books, food   
09:15am 12/10/2007
  yes, i finished 'Swann's Way' yesterday. it was excellent, so much so that I almost don't want to wait to read the next book, but will pace myself and wait until December. maybe in the winter it will be time for more Dostoyevsky as well, actually, perhaps 'The Brothers Karamazov' can come after 'The Magic Mountain' . . but Mann might take me through winter anyway. . hm.
Well, now I'm returning to 'Fear of Flying', which seems really awful. Just this horrible woman talking about how neurotic she is, and how she keeps fucking her shrinks and other shrinks, in really unthrilling (either sexually, or just generally to read) ways. It doesn't seem terribly thoughtful though. Although it is what i expected, I still can't but be a bit disappointed that someone felt the need to write the female 'Portnoy's Complaint'. And yet I am reading it, because being exceedingly popular and capturing the imagination of the public for some time give a book a value apart from its own inherent quality.
right now I am dressed (except the shoes, but with the jacket) to go out the door, and up to Patel Bros, therein to buy boxed curries, frozen samosas, savory snacks from bins, and maybe rosemary shampoo (not only does it help dry skin, it also makes you smell like a roast!) I rather like it. oh, and gotta buy extra chutney for the samosas.
I am debating attempting to buy some sort of bento box-esque boxes. this is all your fault Charlie. you posted that Lunch In A Box blog, and then I was hooked, and now I look at the cute, not horrifically bad for you, homemade, densely packed lunches of others, and i want them to be mine. Except the "octodogs". those things look kinda foul.
Going to Pgh in 19 days! Seeing the grandparents on Monday. cat birthday party Sunday. Thrills abound!		  
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